A Love Song

A Reintroduction to something can often times be tricky. We are mostly taught that first impressions are the most important things we encounter because you will refer back to that first moment where you judged that thing, that person, that place, or possible idea for the first time. Although, we decide immediately with that first impression, it's the reintroduction that inspires our eternities. 

When you first gather something, you don't realize all of the possibilities that you have available to you until you begin to explore them. It's when you let your guard down, and take a second look that you find what the capabilities are and how to approach it better. Love is what becomes of my reintroduction.

My acquainted unsettled approach showed me the invincible impact of love. To understand it and to become intrigued by its passive aggressiveness, once again. To believe in the adornment and cherish the thought of it was so blissful, that I almost couldn't stand to keep it to myself. My new encounter has given me a new hindsight that invoked a clever new approach to my entity. 

I am becoming of this idealistic feel. Explorations of it keeps me driven to find the bottom of this oblivion. Impossibilities have, in turn, created the simplest form of life. And yet, my child-like elusive behavior has taken a rare conformation into maturity for devotion. My ability to understand this adoration is joyous, with the capacity of mastering it perfectly. 

 Ironically throughout it all, love has shown me everything, but I have only understood humbleness. 

Unwritten

Today I realized...

All I want to do is write in peace. I need to quote my insane scrutinies in peace. I want to breathe through my words and feel my heartbeat through my pen. Can I live through the cylinder of the paragraphed terrors that invade my personal space? Sometimes, I just want to write my horrible feelings about the sky being blissfully blue. I want to feel the ink and press toward my realized eternity of solitude in my dream. 

Can I just write out my tears and establish a little peace in my esteem? Drip... Drip... Drop... Drop...   Easy enough? .. Can I have a few metaphors to just describe my fears I can list on the straight lines? Instead of being so frozen with fear that I can't breathe? 

Today I realized...

I'd like to describe my insanity with my words like a spiraling downfall instead of ...

Am I allowed to feel free again and let my words control my silenced worries? Capture my love with a pen; expose my soul on the paper. Mama, I just want to write. 

Adversity

Adversity. It has been about the only steadfast movement growing in my life in the past 3 years, but as I sit here and ponder on my life, my crazy disbelief of it is at an all time amazement. . .

My sanity is about the only thing I'm clinging to in these horrid moments. I pray for that the most because I realize how important it is. I can always gain more as long as I have the right mindset for it. I've come to realize that this is why adversity is so important. In fact, recommended. It is in my character to over come and push through any defeats I'm faced up against. I've learned this through my challenges that I'm constantly faced up against. I adore them most, because my character has had the pleasure to grace from it. I'm appreciative, if anything, for who I have become.

The more I think about my very essence of being, I have so many things to be grateful for. The wonderful delivery of life is right at my feet, so why do I feel the need to complain? We all have those bleak disaster periods, and when I embrace my troubles is the only way I begin to attempt to feel better. I hold on to my troubles, evolve from them, and find a solution to the best of my ability. I make myself feel great about these agonizing circumstances then find a way to love it. I love it as if it were my own baby to hold. And in actuality, after I've forced myself to believe this and feel this is when I feel the fortunate happenings around me.

Adversity has made me greater. It has allowed me to accomplish. Reminds me to remain focused and gives me yet another opportunity for greatness. Adversity seems to be my friend these days, and I'm so thankful for such a wonderful relationship with it. I can continue to dream of paradise because of it. . .

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

- Martin Luther King Jr.

Survival

Ghandi said, "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." I am not surrounded by the weak. Every person I am around daily and/or have a personal relationship with are the strongest people in my eyes. I see my family and friends suffer from all types of hardships on a daily basis including myself. I learn from their experiences and hardships and the only thing that keeps being constant is no matter how bad it looks, we must stay humble and thankful for everything that is still right.

So many times as humans, I noticed that we are constant complainers. For example, we complain about our jobs, the gas prices, the economy, and how everything is so expensive now, but we don't ever take the time to say at least I have a job, at least I have a car and I can still put gas in my car, and I have somewhere to lay my head. It's the little things that we take for granted but don't you realize that you could be homeless somewhere under a bridge asking for change to grab a bite to eat? Most people are closer to that point than we realize it, but do we take the time to appreciate that we aren't?

The one thing that we must realize as a whole people that there is NOTHING constant in this world. Whether it be good or bad. At this point, we should expect change if nothing else because change is almost guaranteed to happen. Personally, I hate change. I prefer to be steady and know exactly what is going to happen next. I'm a planner but I cannot control the universe and her reserved given right to create chaos and/or peace all at once. 

Now I could go down a list of things that are wrong in my life. It seems as if I have more bad going on than good, but I know that can't possibly be true, I'm just not looking for the good hard enough. I suggest you to free yourself of the negative thoughts. Yes, I am not doubting that it may be bad in your life right now. I know we as people go through a lot but I also know that you have something you could be equally thankful for. That's where you find your strength and where you fall in between for your weak or strong classification. You may have the world in front of you, but you may see everything crumbling and this is where you easily fall into being weak. The person who has nothing but is willing to continue to preservere is the strongest person.

Preserverance is easier said than done though but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is no time frame on how long you'll have to hold on, but understand that it'll all be worth it in the end. Now remember life is about Eat (grind/hustle), Pray (God), & Love (People/Family) and only the Strong Survives. Be blessed!

Addicted Devotion

Have you ever devoted yourself to something or someone and felt that you lost yourself within it only to find out that you were left in the end? That is tough isn't it? How many people have truly learned to cope with the feeling of loss and failure? Honestly, failure is our worst enemy.

It is in my prestige opinion that life is short and honestly, we only have ourselves to live for. Every time I love someone with my whole self, I am left all alone. I normally blame myself and feel if I would have done something differently or changed more, then I could have kept it. Eventually, I break to pieces and grieve but this is only because I wasn't strong enough to understand the real problem. My problem you ask? I always feel the need to impress people, make them happy, and please them. This is not a bad thing by any means, but the problem comes in when I jeopardize who I am for these people. These people are true to themselves, know exactly what it is they want, yet I'm bending like a straw as if I'm not a person with needs and wants and expectations. This is my fault. I take the blame.

Now, my senseless acts are turned into self hatred and a suicidal mission because I do not care about me as much as I care about these people. How do I dare do this to myself and hurt on behalf of an imperfect someone? My devotion has been to the wrong things. My love has been taken advantaged of because I allowed it to. I became weak, something I'd never thought I'd be.

When going through these journeys and paths, we never imagine our addictions to take over our life. We don't even realize that we are addicted. You are. Just like a person who battles drugs, smoking, drinking, etc., we also can be addicted to feelings, people, and love. I know it's hard to believe, but it does exist. Ever see someone who is always in a relationship no matter how bad the last relationship went? That person is addicted to being in a relationship. And what about the girl who can't let go her of her ex-boyfriend? She's addicted to him. As humans, we latch on to things to help us cope through this tough life. It's in our nature. The key is to not allow it to control you.

We are strangely addicted to things and/or people. This is a fact, but don't allow it to overpower you. That is when you lose yourself and your value as a person. Your importance is the most imperative life on this earth. Besides, it's your world, we just live in it.

Breath of Fresh Air

I took a deep breath and realized that the wait is over. Isn't it amazing that you go through a million and one heartache/heartbreaks, pains, trials, and rough situations to only find yourself on top in the end? Who would have thought right? Well, hopefully you... People who personally know me, know that I use the phrase "I'm winning" a lot or "losing". I use this playfully and literally, but when I think about life, I'm thinking about either ascension or descension. So I honestly believe that either you're winning or losing, there is no middle ground. 

Let's make this clear right now, I'm not claiming to be a God or a know-it-all where I have all the answers to all of your problems. Hell, I don't even have the answers to all of my problems, let alone yours. I can say this though, winning is all in your attitude. I haven't always been the most positive person around. I naturally look for the bad when things are too good because I feel there is always bad following good. I hate surprises and I hate the feeling clueless to  what will happen next because I'm not prepared for the situation. I just recently learned how to go with the flow and let nature take its course. If you're anything like me, I get it. I know this may be the toughest thing you struggle with daily but it was worth the lesson. If you're not like me, then Im just letting you know that I finally understand your logic. Thanks.

Let's be clear. Terrible things happen in our life. I don't know why. It doesn't matter if you're good or bad, something hard will hit you at least once or twice in your time on this earth, trust me, we all have our days and no one is exempt. What matters the most is the aftermath of the storm, not the storm itself. Keep your spirits high and attitude at its best. For starters, stop complaining so much. It's life and you won't make it out alive anyway. Complaining won't do anything but stress you out more and create hype around the very problem you're trying to get rid of. How is this helping you any? It's not, so stop it. Next thing you have to remember is that you are defeated if that's how you respond to your hardships. If you believe you won't get through this and this is way to much for you, then you will eventually fail. Winning is a mindset. Most people who have any accomplishments in their lifetime often say, "I always knew I would get it or make it so I never gave up." Keep fighting the good fight, it'll pay off in the end.

Another smart move is to watch the company you keep. Positive people bring positive energy and releives the negative out of your life. How do they do this? They make your problems smaller than you. In all actuality, they are. Your support system will often times complete you because you will depend on them the most. I'm thankful for all the people who are surrounded in my life, because they made me realize that my pain has paid off.

Finally. A breath of fresh air.

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

-Mahatma Gandhi- 

Reality Reminder

My blissful distractions take me away from my troubles. In reality, I have so much to be grateful for and so much amazement in my life, but my troubles still weigh in on me. Have you honestly been completely content with your life? In my reality, my life is perfectly pieced together. I am touching my goals and have accomplished my committments that I've been expecting, but my something is missing. In my head, I am falling apart. I feel as if a dark cloud is hovering me constantly. I am never satisfied.

As I explore my search for happiness, I wonder if happiness is just an illusion. My smiles are known to just cover my pain, but to never truly reduce it. I surround myself with positivity, yet my negative energy still releases and captures my attention. My honest opinion, I feel like the people of the world is dillusional if they honestly believe that there is a happy ending. For example, when I think of life, I think of death and we never associate good or happy with death. Death is actually defined as extinction; destruction. How can you even muster hope or a slight smile out of this?

Personally, I am pro-living, but I do not create a naive existence for myself. Most people are either "glass-half-full" or "glass-half-empty" type of people. I choose to not anticipate either. I have a glass of water, then I'll drink it if I'm thirsty and if I'm not, I'll save it for later. I'm only thankful that I have a glass. This makes me hopeful, yet able to understand the actuality of the situation. I actually have a glass of water. Period. This relates directly to my life. I mean, my life is no box of chocolates or walk around the park. I've had to struggle, to fight, to fail, to hurt, to break, and be broken. I appreciate it, my life, the most.

I talk to God daily and my biggest question is to understand what I need to understand about myself to move forward. This is the most difficult thing for me sometimes, because I have to learn to be patient and to follow direction without knowing the expectations or outcome. I'd simply prefer to know. My shortcomings are personal. My failure is intimate. I am in touch with my downfalls. They are my family.

 

"I never thought of losing, but now that it's happened, the only thing is to do it right. That's my obligation to all the people who believe in me. We all have to take defeats in life." - Muhammad Ali-

All of this is a motivation to be better, to move progressively towards something brighter. I want my horrids to shine. I want you to see my losses as triumphs. I mean, what's really a winner? In my eyes, someone who has lost multiple times but has learned to make better choices and create a better reality. Reality. If it's any indication that I'm human through failure, then that's the humbling spirit I must possess. Don't be foolish and think that you won't fail. Don't be crazy and think that you cannot admit to it or even grow to learn from it. It's human nature to fail. Consider failing a part of sin, something we commit to each and every day. I adore my wisdom that I've learned from these challenges and I fiend to be better. I crave the approval of the winning nation, because they possess my character, they relate to my pain, they understand my hustle. My reminder is that I am on the brink of greatness.

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed." -Booker T. Washington-