It Factor

I can't shake it. No matter how hard I try to remove myself from that feeling of needing it and wanting it. I wish I could just walk away from it but when you truly feel it, it's like a drug. I feel like I need it apart of my life and I will do anything to have it. It doesn't need me though. It doesn't fiend on me like I fiend on it. I breathe life into it and I'm the reason why it breathes. How dare it leave me? How dare I hurt over it when I'm the very fuel to the fire? Every woman has an it in her life or has had an it. (Notice I said woman). You probably are looking at your it right now, or thinking of it. It's like a leech and it sucks all of the life out of you. Everything you have, it takes and leaves you empty, torn, and broken. It makes me feel like I will feel it again. It makes me doubt everything I've ever known. It makes me question myself in ways when I know I should be sure of it.  It is a modern day monster under your bed, that steals away your peace. Some people would like to agree that you're better with it in your life, but you really just walk around dead on the inside searching for a place to rest your being in it. It is my boogie man and ironically my very place in reality. My it is the most powerful thing to me in my fastidious life and it resides on an extricate mirth. I am the reason it laughs. I am the reason it smiles. I am the reason it lives. I am dying to abdicate myself to it. I'm here to debunk it. It is not authentic and you should never trust it. It is like a maelstrom, no one is safe in it's presence. It is love.

Confessions of a Woman

Want to hear a simple truth? I am weak. I am weak because I'm a human, I think with my logical emotions, and I have to be in control of every situation I find myself placed in. My very weakness, however, makes me incredibly strong. My weakness is my strength. The reason being is because I'm honest with myself. Does this make me a bad person? Of course not and you're sadly mistaken if you think it does. I don't believe in fairy tales or the "movie love" stories. I do not think like the average woman. Does this make me any less of a woman? Of course not. I feel love and pain but I'm protective of myself and place myself in a secluded private place within myself so that I can't feel any emotion. I detach myself from any situation where I would I have to let my guard down. Being a woman, it is hard work and I'm new to this but in my short learning experience of walking into my womanhood, I've learned that the first mistake we make as women is not knowing or fully understanding our worth and potential. Not only understanding it, but making it active and effective towards our lives. And you know what women, it's your fault. I understand bad things happen to us and it affects us in both negative and positive ways. Bad things happen to everyone, remember? Sometimes we deserve it due to our poor judgement. Sometimes we were the innocent bystander that just so happened to be in the line of fire. No matter what the reason for it to happen to you, take ownership of the experience, don't let the experience own you. You should NOT let ANYONE or ANYTHING negatively impact your self image. If you don't know how valuable you are, how can anyone else??? My truth, I've had to learn this lesson in pain and heartache but I will NEVER forget it. However, every pain I've experienced, every hard lesson I've learned, and everything/every one I lost is worth going through, worth learning, and worth the loneliness. It's worth it because now you and I can actually see my strength. Can you see yours?

Reconsider

I read some tweets on twitter from a friend of mine and it made perfect sense, so I thought I would it share it with you.

"Y'all wanna know some interesting facts about non-athlete/entertainer millionaires? Only about half of their wives work outside the home and the ones that do are TEACHERS. They live well below their means. They wear inexpensive suits & drive American-made cars. Only a minority drive a current year vehicle. Only about one in five of them are NOT college graduates. Many hold advanced degrees. 8% law degrees, 6% medical degrees, and 6% Ph.D.s. About two thirds of them work between forty-five and fifty-five hours per week. 55 % of their kids are currently attending or have attended private schools. Lastly, they have accumulated enough wealth to live without working for ten or more years. Soooo I said all that to say look around you and realize that the ones driving the Benzes and Beamers aren't the millionaires. #shoutouts to all the REAL millionaires though. It won't be long before I'll be joining you."

Now, think about this statement and think about who you idolize and what you value as important to your life. Why do we value sports and entertainment and see that as the only way to becoming successful? What happened to good old fashioned hard work. I mean, let's be perfectly honest with ourselves, everyone can't sing or dance and every can't play sports. If you can play sports, the odds of you becoming a "PRO-athlete" is 22000 to 1. If you can sing, dance, or even act, the odds of you becoming famous is 1,500,000 to 1. You have a better chance of dying or getting an terminal illness. My point is, STOP LIVING WITHIN FALSE ILLUSIONS AND UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS!! Now, I do want you to understand that if you love something so much that you're willing to work for it and go get it, then by all means, go for it. But I did say work for it. But I want to tell all the lazy bums who are just waiting for a hand-out, stop it! Yes, education is important. Yes, you can do more with a degree than you having a chance of becoming famous or just sitting around waiting for things to happen. Sometimes I hear people talk about all of these stupid schemes on how they could get rich fast or how they can "come-up" in a short period of time. Why waste your God-given smarts trying to manipulate the system and buying things you don't need instead of channeling all of that energy towards doing something better with yourself?? Buying yourself a benz or a beamer and going shopping in exclusive stores is nice on the outside, but realistically, most people who actually can afford those cars and these shopping sprees do not waste their money on things like this. These people have savings and spend their money smartly instead of wasting it on frivolous things. Stop living in a facade you call life and make your life your reality. If you want something, work for it and stop relying on unrealistic means and go get it!!! I mean, really ask yourself, "What do I have to lose?"

Life After A Break-Up

People always say don't let it change you. That's the most I've heard during the time of my recent breakup. Why is that though? Why not let it change you? People must understand that things happen for a reason and yes both parties are at fault. For example: He cheated on you, but what did you do to push him away? It takes two to make a relationship work and when it doesn't work out, we need to stop blaming, stop making excuses, and live up to our fault. So maybe, just maybe, you need to change and you need to work on yourself. Sometimes giving to much and doing to much is bad. Some people can't handle all of that. A wise person once told me, being in charge of your life is pressuring enough so why would you want someone or even put someone in charge of yours? So when you're coping after picking up the pieces of your life, it may be best to leave some of those pieces on the ground because they're the reason you're hurting. People always connect change with something bad. Change isn't bad, it's different. People hate what they don't understand. With that being said, don't be the average person. Just because it's out of our element doesn't mean it can't be good.

Living Within Yesterdays

Have you ever sat down and reminisced about great memories in the past and felt that you were better then? Well, I have only one thing to ask you... Why? Why do we constantly live in little yesterdays of our past and wonder why we aren't happy within today? The answer to that question is things are better than they seem when we are actually living it through memories. We don't see the little horrible details that we should see. We probably weren't better then and we are more than likely creating great memories right now, but we are to busy looking through our "rose-colored glasses" to see that things weren't all that great. For example, Why didn't things work out with that ex that you love oh so much? Because he neglected you, left you feeling lonely, and was irresponsible. That's not what you remember though. You remember that you were together for three years, had a great life, and you did a lot for him and the relationship. You don't remember the nights you sat up crying and wondering when things would get better and/or change. Everything in life is a cycle and happens for a reason beyond our control. Some times, we don't understand why things are the way they are, but why do we question it anyways? Instead of living for yesterday, how about you begin to live for today and appreciate everything you have included in your life now. Besides, you only live once... Cherish it.